1 00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:03,170 [♪ theme music playing] 2 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:24,149 Who's got two forks and meatball boobs? This guy. [rolls tongue] 3 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:27,653 Gene, please just eat your food and also give me back my fork. 4 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,529 But I'm trying to entertain our guest! 5 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,115 Hey, there's still plenty of the dinner oatmeal I brought. 6 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,617 Am I the only one eating it? 7 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,869 I guess I never really thought of oatmeal as a dinner food. 8 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,287 It is when it has peas in it. 9 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,623 And one kernel of corn that I hid in there. 10 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,542 The person who finds it, wins. 11 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,585 -[Louise] Wins what? -A hundred dollars. 12 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:44,795 -[Tina] Really? -[Gene] What? 13 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,213 -No, just the corn. -[all] Oh. 14 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,674 So, Gayle, how's the performance art group thingy going? 15 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:49,758 What's it called again? 16 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,886 The Performance Art Collective Workshop of Performance Artists. 17 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,388 -Right. -It's fantastic. 18 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:58,058 Our big showcase is this Friday and you're all invited. 19 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,477 -Oh, uh, great. -Dad loves it. 20 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,687 And it's kid-friendly. 21 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:04,273 Don't worry, there's not any nudity or anything. 22 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,357 Boo! 23 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,525 I mean, there was gonna be, 24 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,777 but Ansel slammed the book too hard on his penis 25 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,696 and long story short, he's recovering. 26 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,656 What are you gonna do at the showcase, Aunt Gayle? 27 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,950 It's a piece I call Gayle Gardens. 28 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:19,538 I made a romper and a hat completely out of fertilizer, mulch and chicken wire, 29 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,248 and I put a whole garden on it. 30 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,542 Flowers, grass. No worms, though. 31 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,878 Not my decision. I was open to it, but the worms were not collaborative. 32 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:29,298 I'm gonna stand there and invite people to sit near me 33 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:32,843 and sniff me and pollinate me if they can figure out how. 34 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,847 Wow, what a performative art that sounds like. 35 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,891 Oh, I really love being a part a part of this collective, 36 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:43,228 sharing ideas and being around all that creative energy. 37 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,814 Plus, I'm the hottest one there. 38 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,692 I've even got two guys fighting over me. 39 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,194 -Whoa. -Fist-fighting, knives, Muay Thai? 40 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,196 No, but they both really want to sit next to me 41 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,407 when we have discussion sessions in the group hammock. 42 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,868 -Plus, I've slept with both of them. -Oh, my God. 43 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,536 I wanna be in a performance art collective. 44 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,622 No. Uh, s-so what are these two Casanovas like? 45 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,166 Well, first, there's Victor. 46 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,834 He's brooding and mysterious 47 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:09,004 and super talented and condescending in a sexy way. 48 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,506 I'm calling my piece "pore-us." 49 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,216 I'm fascinated by pores. 50 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,470 We're all made up of holes, little black holes, 51 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,388 empty longing, loneliness. 52 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:22,976 So it's "porous" like pores, but also "poor us." 53 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,061 I think I get it. 54 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,188 No, you don't. But it's fine. 55 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,024 We're all just full of holes wanting to be filled. 56 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,108 Make love to me! 57 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,693 [both moaning] 58 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,781 We didn't make love there. We waited till we got to my car. 59 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,200 Okay, we don't have to get into all that. 60 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,911 No, Mom, let Aunt Gayle talk. This is really interesting. 61 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,204 -Hmm. -Then there's Dean. 62 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,540 He's kind of boring, but he's hot. You know how I like 'em, Linda. 63 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:46,792 Massive elbows. 64 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,252 But his art is kinda meh. 65 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:53,757 So for my piece, I'm thinking about doing a headstand the whole time, 66 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,425 And I've never done one before. 67 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,677 See? Like this. 68 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,304 That's... great. What does it... what does it mean? 69 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,890 Well, you know, when the world feels like 70 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,600 -it's upside down? -Uh-huh. 71 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,894 Also, I really want to learn to do a headstand. 72 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,020 Huh. 73 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,690 Sorry, I'm laying all this headstand stuff on you. 74 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,525 You're just so easy to talk to. 75 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,734 Make love to me! 76 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,027 Oh, sure. Whoa! 77 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,195 [both moaning] 78 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,280 But we didn't do it there. 79 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,575 We did it in his childhood bedroom, which is also his adult bedroom. 80 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,661 -[Bob] Hmm. -Okay, who wants dessert? 81 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,664 So, you think you could get serious about one of these guys? 82 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,666 Settle down or off into the sunset? 83 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,251 I mean, it's fun being fought over 84 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:33,463 but, eh... why buy the wiener dog when you can get the wieners for free? 85 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,549 I don't think that's the saying, is it? 86 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,800 -No, it is. -Okay. 87 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,511 I don't know. I'm glad I brought my wiener dog, 88 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,388 even though he sheds everywhere. [chuckles] 89 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,931 -But seriously, you do. -Yeah. 90 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,183 At least he stopped dragging his butt across carpet. 91 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,352 Uh, well, it's getting late. 92 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,355 Uh, yeah, that's how time works, Bob. 93 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,731 -[chuckles] This guy. -[sighs] 94 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,024 Oh, I almost forgot! 95 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:57,237 Remember those necklaces I made out of tampons when I ran out of cotton balls? 96 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,947 -Yeah -Well, I found them the other day 97 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,449 when I was cleaning out my freezer 98 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,951 and I thought, "Hey, I'll bring 'em to dinner." 99 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,037 Everybody can have one. Here, go ahead, take a tampon necklace. 100 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,622 -[all] Oh! -[Louise] Fantastic. 101 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,626 Here, Bob, they're one-size-fits-all and perfect for any occasion. 102 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,211 Father, you look stunning. 103 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,882 Heh, great. Uh, kids, time to think about getting ready for bed. 104 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:21,011 Hmm, yeah, I thought about it, and it's just not really my thing anymore. 105 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,638 -Okay, Go on. Go brush your teeth. -[kids grumbling] 106 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,849 And then after that, we'll all visit some more. 107 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,975 -[Bob whines] -Oh, shush. 108 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,435 Come on, foot rub time. Let's go. 109 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,229 -Oh, now? -Yeah, Mr. Grumpy needs a foot rub. 110 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,023 Gonna rub all the grumps out of your feet. 111 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,942 -Uh, okay. -Oh. Um... 112 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,111 -Sorry about what's happening... -[Linda grunting] 113 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,489 ...right now, Gayle, with my feet. 114 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,283 Aw, well, that's a gross, nice thing. 115 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,494 Kids, wait, before you brush your teeth, I gotta pee first! 116 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,162 -Outta my way! -[Louise] Whoa! 117 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,497 [♪ Gayle vocalizing] 118 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,831 [urinating] 119 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,753 [♪ vocalizing slows down] 120 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,381 [♪ continues vocalizing] 121 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,639 -[Linda grunting] -[Bob] Ah, yep, that's good. 122 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,599 [Linda] Ignoring the smell 'cause I love you. 123 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:11,019 [Louise] Anybody else just mesmerized by Dad's pterodactyl toenail? 124 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,604 -I can't look away. -[Gene] I can! 125 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,064 Wait, no, I can't. I just looked! 126 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,607 How have they not had to amputate it? 127 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,442 Imagine having to sleep next to that thing. 128 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,486 I gotta watch my back or I get sliced. 129 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,821 [Bob] Okay, give me my sock back. 130 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,573 You're all mean, and I don't like any of you anymore. 131 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,659 Gayle, are you okay? 132 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,161 Gotta go, bye. 133 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,788 Okay. Bye, hun. 134 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,249 -It was the toenail, right? -[Tina] Definitely. 135 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,917 -[Louise] Oh, yeah. -[Linda] No. 136 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,419 Also, Bob, when I'm done, you gotta roll the ball on my butt. 137 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,839 -Okay. -And that's how babies are made. 138 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,301 [yawns] That was a pretty long visit from your sister last night. 139 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:45,762 I feel like we're good on Gayle visits for a while, right? 140 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,265 -Linda, Linda, open up! -[all exclaiming] 141 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,018 -[bell dings] -[panting] Linda, I'm here to thank you. 142 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,104 Gayle, what are you talking about? What is it? 143 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,730 Something amazing! 144 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,191 I just had to come right over and tell you in person. 145 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,651 And also I can't find my phone. 146 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,736 -Have you checked your fanny pack? -[zipper opens] 147 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,114 Oh, yeah, there it is. Okay, I'll go home and call you. 148 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,740 No, no, just tell me. 149 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,534 I'm changing my performance piece. 150 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,661 -No more Gayle Gardens. -Oh? 151 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,329 Last night got me thinking. 152 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,665 It could be nice to have my own wiener dog 153 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,042 and to be someone else's wiener dog. 154 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:19,087 So I decided, I'm getting married! 155 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,547 -What? -For the piece. 156 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,340 -Oh! -And in real life 157 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,009 -What? -Oh, boy. 158 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,176 -Holy crap. -Wow. 159 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,469 Who's the lucky wiener? 160 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,179 Dean... or Victor, I don't know yet. 161 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,265 You don't know yet? Do they know? 162 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,683 Yeah, they know, they're into it. 163 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,018 -They are? -Big time. 164 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,437 They think it'll make an interesting art piece. 165 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,897 Okay, so it is just for art. 166 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,773 -Yeah, but also for life. -[sighs] 167 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:41,568 I really don't see what's so confusing about this. 168 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:45,322 I'm finally getting married, and it's all thanks to you, Linda. 169 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,406 [Gene] Yay, Mom! 170 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,741 [nervous groaning] 171 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,200 What? 172 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,871 Save it for your wedding toast, Mom. 173 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,917 So, wait. Gayle, you're telling me you're getting married Friday 174 00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,420 to one of these two art guys, but you don't know which one? 175 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,005 I don't know which one yet, 176 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,507 but who I marry isn't the point, Linda. 177 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,510 The point is, I'm getting married. 178 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,179 And you know what made me wanna get married? 179 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,806 Was seeing you rub a tennis ball on Bob's foot. 180 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,767 Yeah, normally, that has the opposite effect. 181 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,895 Yeah, I usually need a few days to recover after seeing the toenail. 182 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,772 It belongs in a museum! 183 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,107 I want to rub someone's feet with tennis balls 184 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,400 and have them rub mine. 185 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,945 And our nasty toothbrushes will sit together by the sink, 186 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,865 our rusty old razors together by the tub. 187 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,450 -Aw. -Gayle, I'm gonna say it. 188 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:31,868 I think you're rushing into this. 189 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,078 No. 190 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,663 Of course I'm rushing into it. 191 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,040 Linda, I've joined a lot of art collectives, 192 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,584 and I've made love to a lot of men. 193 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:42,879 But this is the first time that two of them are fighting over me. 194 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,297 So, you do the math. 195 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,341 One, two, I did it. 196 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,344 So I'm gonna have both of them come to the restaurant this afternoon. 197 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,929 First Victor, then Dean. 198 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,223 Then you can all help me decide who to choose. 199 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,558 Ooh, okay, I'll set up the obstacle course. 200 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,851 Do we have any live piranhas? 201 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:57,936 Kids, go to school! 202 00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:00,021 -Oh, I can drive them. -In the sex car! 203 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,731 Uh, no, no, no, uh, you can walk. 204 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,150 -Uh, they can walk, it's so close. -All right. 205 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,735 I'm gonna go sew my wedding dress. 206 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,946 I need bubble wrap. Bob, do you have any? 207 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,531 Why do you need bubble wrap? 208 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,242 'Cause I want the dress to be classy and to make noises. 209 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,785 Uh, we're all out. 210 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,454 Eh, it's okay, I'll just take it out of my neighbor's packages. 211 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,456 [cheering] I'm getting married! 212 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,625 [yelling] I'm getting married! 213 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,713 -We told you to get new razors. -School, now! 214 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,464 [bell dings] 215 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,466 Hey, kids, you're right on time! 216 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:32,053 Yeah, we tried to leave school earlier, but apparently that's frowned upon. 217 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,888 It's like they're obsessed with us. 218 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:36,850 So, wait, you're gonna get married to one of these two guys this Friday? 219 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,268 -Wow. -I know! 220 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,812 Pretty soon, I'm gonna be doing typical married things 221 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:44,107 like weaving nets and fishing together down in the lagoon. 222 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,860 -Singing sea shanties. -Wearing matching unitards. 223 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,653 Getting the "married person" newsletter. 224 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:49,946 -I can't wait! -[Linda] Mmm. 225 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,740 So, uh, do you have an officiant yet? 226 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,450 -Because I am ordained. -Really? 227 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,286 Yeah, I was supposed to officiate my cousin's wedding last spring. 228 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,329 But they went with this minister from the church 229 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,999 because he had, "Been a friend of the family forever 230 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,251 and made a miraculous recovery from cancer." 231 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,627 -Total BS. -[Bob] Hmm. 232 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,213 I mean, I was thinking of having my cat do it. 233 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,883 Of course, your cat. Makes sense, I understand. 234 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,385 -Is this a good spot? Can you all see? -[all] Yeah. 235 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,847 Remember, you're all quietly observing and you'll vote at the end. 236 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,390 Or we don't do any of this? 237 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,017 -[all] No. -[Louise] Come on, Mom. 238 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,394 I kind of have to use my peripheral vision. 239 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,271 -I'll move seats. -No, wait, that's good. 240 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:26,149 Don't look at all. Use sound, use smell. 241 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,942 Sniff out a winner for me. 242 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,360 -Okay, Eddie? -Teddy. 243 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,112 I'm ready too. 244 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:33,448 [Gayle] Bye, I'll be in touch! 245 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,783 Whoo, that was fun! 246 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,618 Okay, let's tally up the scores. 247 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,870 Tell me everything. Let's pick me a spouse. 248 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,121 [Bob] Victor, for sure. 249 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,247 -What? -[Louise] Okay. 250 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,832 -Bob. -What? I like him. He's smart. 251 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,417 I mean, sure, he was pretty aloof 252 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,920 and kind of rude, but he's the real artist. 253 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,004 Did you see Dean? 254 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,423 You wanna wake up next to Smart or next to Dean? 255 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,508 I can't read my notes. 256 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,510 -Who was first? -Victor, the best one. 257 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,845 Hey, I wrote "Smells like burgers." 258 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:56,930 Is that crazy? 259 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,807 -That's, I mean-- -I'm with Tina. 260 00:09:58,890 --> 00:09:59,891 I have Dean in the lead. 261 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,560 Good posture, very complimentary of my water pouring 262 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:06,397 even though there was some spillage on his lap and shoes and legs and arms. 263 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,233 It was a real Flashdance situation. 264 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,692 I'm team Victor. He's dark. 265 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,612 Seems like the kind of uncle who'd give you a weapon for Christmas, 266 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,989 but also not come over for Christmas 267 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,200 because he doesn't like you, which I love. 268 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,578 Uh, I didn't get any of that. I just wrote "Dean smells like fries." 269 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,747 Teddy, I-- I think you were smelling your food. 270 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,125 -[Teddy] Argh! -People, don't encourage this! 271 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,835 Well, we're deadlocked. What do we do? 272 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,129 Let's keep reviewing. What about the interview round? 273 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,589 My first question was a good one, right? 274 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,842 What animal would I fight for you? 275 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:37,011 I would say the most complicated animal... Man. 276 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,847 Specifically my neighbor, Brad. 277 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,849 I want to write a book about Victor. 278 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,810 Pfft, Dean answered that question with his arms and his hot face. 279 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,728 Jeez, do I have to fight an animal? 280 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:49,858 One time, a chicken beat me at tic-tac-toe but I was happy for the chicken. 281 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,068 Sweet, hot, dumb, Dean. 282 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,653 Okay, so what about the dancing section? 283 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,239 Marriage is eighty percent dance compatibility. 284 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,074 I think Paula Abdul said that. 285 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,993 -[clears throat] -[both grunting, vocalizing] 286 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,788 [whoops] 287 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,456 You know, I couldn't tell. 288 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,041 The other customers seemed confused. 289 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,169 -[Linda] Gayle. -And the foot rubbing, thoughts? 290 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:11,880 Oh, oh! Oh, my. 291 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:12,964 I feel nothing. 292 00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,466 -[Dean] Ow, ow! -[giggling] 293 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,427 -[Dean] Ow! -[mumbling] 294 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,846 The balls still have their scent on 'em. 295 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,849 Eddie, you wanna smell 'em? Maybe that'll help you choose which guy. 296 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:23,975 I'm good. 297 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,519 I'm still trying to decide who should officiate. 298 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,521 Give 'em here. [sniffing] 299 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,231 Enough! Everyone just stop. 300 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,150 You're all having a whole lot of fun. 301 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,444 But this is Gayle's life we're talking about. 302 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,946 Gayle, you shouldn't be marrying either one of these guys. 303 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,156 They're not right for you. 304 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,116 -This is a very bad idea. -[gasps] 305 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,660 Okay, but if you had to choose... 306 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:47,248 Linda, I really wish you'd be more supportive of my art/marriage 307 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:48,541 to someone I'm not sure who. 308 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,754 I'm just saying you don't have to settle for one of these weirdos you barely know. 309 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,589 Wait for a guy who deserves you. 310 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,675 Easy for you to say, Linda. You found your wiener dog! 311 00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,720 Look, this is happening whether you like it or not. 312 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,223 I've got the marriage licenses all ready to go. 313 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,892 They just need to be signed. In blood, I assume, right? 314 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,728 -Ugh, Gayle! -Linda, if you can't support me, 315 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,272 I-- I just don't even want you to be there. 316 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,651 In fact, I've decided. You're not coming! 317 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,071 You are baanned! 318 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,073 -"Baanned?" -"Baanned" 319 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,742 from the entire Performance Art showcase. 320 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,744 Are you saying banned? 321 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,247 Obviously, I have made it so. 322 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,373 Good day! 323 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,543 Also, Eddie, you're hired. You can officiate my wedding. 324 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,711 Yes, sweet! 325 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,048 I mean, sorry, Linda. Feeling good, though. I-- I'm an officiant. 326 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,051 I'm gonna call my cousin and see if I can work it into the conversation. 327 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,387 Hey, Ralph. Did you see the game last night? 328 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,056 No? Well, anyway, I'm officiating a wedding. 329 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:51,813 Mom, I love that you got banned from Aunt Gayle's wedding/art show 330 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,731 and we're still going so we can sneak you in. 331 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,608 I'm excited about being in jail. 332 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:56,776 You're great parents. 333 00:12:56,859 --> 00:13:00,154 I-- I don't love it. I'm not excited about going to jail. 334 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,032 No one's going to jail. You're just getting me into the art show. 335 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,117 I got to stop Gayle! 336 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,202 You already tried that. It's how you got banned. 337 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,996 I-- I'm gonna do a better job this time. 338 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:11,249 Look, I wore Gayle's tampon necklace to get back in her good graces. 339 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,500 It does go with everything. 340 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:15,128 I'm gonna tell her how much I love her and how I want the best for her. 341 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,964 If we have to, we'll grab her, put her in a sack and carry her out. 342 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,550 Should we just skip o the kidnap in a sack part? 343 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,552 Um, why not just let Aunt Gayle do this, Mom? 344 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,554 She's really excited about the foot rubbing thing. 345 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,681 I know she's excited about the foot rubbing thing 346 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,725 but you don't get married in a dumb art piece 347 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,019 in some dumb warehouse to some guy that you chose 348 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,855 by going eeny, meeny, miny, moe because you wanted a foot rub. 349 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,648 She wants to give foot rubs too. 350 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,025 Thank you, Tina! 351 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:39,193 [sighs] Why was I so worried? 352 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,029 It's not like they have security at these things. 353 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,947 -Hold on, you can't go in. -Oh. 354 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,032 [Tina] Whoa. 355 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,783 [Louise] Yeah, Aunt Gayle's not fooling around. 356 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,244 -They can enter, you cannot. -Damn it! 357 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,996 So, uh, what do you wanna do? 358 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,789 I'm gonna go around and find another door. 359 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,250 You go in, look for a backdoor or a side door, any door. 360 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:55,543 Pop it open and I'll find you. 361 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,669 I don't know, I don't-- 362 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,172 Okay, well, enjoy all the performance art in there 363 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,758 that I won't be able to see because I won't be in the building. 364 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,885 -Bye! -[Gene] We'll never forget you! 365 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,053 [Linda grunting] 366 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:06,929 It's arty time! 367 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,808 It doesn't fit. It doesn't fit. 368 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:11,934 Company's coming. 369 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,357 Back door, back door. 370 00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,318 Anyone see a-- Oh, they're gone. 371 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:23,237 Door, door, door. 372 00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:24,614 What the... 373 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,616 [cell phone vibrating] 374 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,411 "At the back door, let me in." [groans] 375 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,958 There are so many doors. 376 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,085 Hold on. 377 00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:39,629 -[cell phone vibrating] -What? There's one door. 378 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,255 The hell is he talking about? 379 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,217 This is like a bad dream. Doors. 380 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,760 Oh, my God, this is art? 381 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,554 Huh, I guess it is. 382 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,640 Here. Shoot the world. 383 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,891 Oh, okay. 384 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,435 [plays cheering on phone] 385 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,687 [plays screaming on phone] 386 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,648 -Huh, reloading. -[gun cocks] 387 00:14:58,731 --> 00:14:59,816 Oh, uh... 388 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,693 [plays cheering on phone] 389 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,029 [plays screaming on phone] 390 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:06,989 Reloading again. 391 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,159 You want to press the thing? 392 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,953 I feel like you're missing the-- 393 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,163 -[sighs] Yeah, sure. -[plays cheering on phone] 394 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,458 "Left the distribution center, July 10, 2:15 p.m. 395 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:21,420 Arrived at regional origin facility, July 12, 4:18 p.m. 396 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:25,591 Departed regional origin facility, July 13, 10:59 p.m..." 397 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:29,345 This is my favorite one so far, but I haven't seen any of the other ones. 398 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,597 You're done. Please, move along. 399 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,015 -[both straining] -Just ten more! 400 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,893 This piece is really speaking to me. 401 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,478 [♪ music playing] 402 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,815 ♪ I can't move and I don't know why ♪ 403 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,484 ♪ I can't move and I don't know why ♪ 404 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,695 ♪ I can't move and I don't know why ♪ 405 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:49,282 ♪ I can't move and I don't know why ♪ 406 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,535 Okay, I think I get the gist of this one. 407 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,372 [knocking on door] 408 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:01,669 I can't... I-- can't tell which one is you. Hold on. 409 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,005 Uh, finally. 410 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,715 Aah! Hi... 411 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,258 More like, "Bye". 412 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,177 Ugh. All right, I'll go. 413 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,595 -Just let me in. -No, no, ma'am. 414 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,513 -Let me in, it's a sister emergency. -Walk away. 415 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,015 -[groaning] -No, ma'am. 416 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,184 Ma'am, walk away. Walk away! 417 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,935 Okay, fine, I'm leaving. 418 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,230 I hope someday your sister tries to marry someone she just met. 419 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,899 And I'm a security guard there. 420 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,859 -And I won't let you in! -Yeah, right. 421 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,195 You don't have the training or the temperament for it. 422 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,155 You don't have the peppermint for it. 423 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,326 A-ha, I'll just go on the roof. 424 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,077 There's gotta be a way in from up there. 425 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,455 That's how Santa does all his sneaky crap. 426 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,040 [grunting] 427 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,668 Okay, I've been around the whole building. 428 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,879 I might just give up. 429 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:46,589 Oh, real door! 430 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:48,549 [whispering] Lin, Lin! 431 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,843 You trying to let that banned woman into the gallery? 432 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,679 Who? Oh, uh, no, uh... of course not. 433 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:56,390 [stammering] She's a bad lady. 434 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:57,600 Yeah, she is. 435 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,978 I mean, she's my wife, but I'll probably get a different one. 436 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:05,858 Ah, there you are. 437 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,569 Hey. Can I have your last names real quick for the ceremony? 438 00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:09,987 -Smith -Okay. 439 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,948 -Vipin Shtaphinhogen. -Seriously? 440 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,951 God, I hope it's not you. I mean, good luck to both of you. 441 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,913 And the fiddler is on the roof! 442 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,832 Okay, looking for doors, hatches, 443 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,417 vents. [scoffs] 444 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,919 Are there no rooftop entrances? 445 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,462 Are you kidding me? How the hell are you 446 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,131 supposed to break into this dumb art collective warehouse? 447 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,216 [wedding bells ringing] 448 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,385 Oh, crap, is that it? Is it starting? 449 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:36,138 [♪ "Here Comes the Bride" playing] 450 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,974 [crunching] 451 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:43,980 [muffled] Gayle, Gayle! 452 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,523 Ew, I licked the glass by accident. 453 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,483 Oh, God...[groans] 454 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,988 Gayle, don't do it! 455 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,407 Gayle! 456 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,075 Linda? 457 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,368 Is Mom on the roof? 458 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,161 Oh, no, Lin, no. 459 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,871 [Louise] This is how I want her at my wedding. 460 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,415 -What should I do? -Get started. 461 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,916 -Okay, uh. -[Linda yelling indistinctly] 462 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,668 [clears throat] Thank you all for coming. 463 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:09,005 [chuckles] We shall begin this wedding by asking the bride 464 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,840 who she is going to marry for real. 465 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,925 -In real life, but also for art. -[Linda] Gayle! 466 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,427 But it's real and it counts. 467 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:18,264 And this officiant will try to be as efficient as possible. 468 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,765 -[chuckles] -[Teddy] Thank you. 469 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,351 So, Gayle, if you would make your choice, 470 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:27,231 Dean Smith or Victor Vorpin Snuffleupagus-s? 471 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,317 Say that "does anyone object to this wedding?" thing. 472 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,819 Huh, no, what? You're skipping way ahead. 473 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,946 I've got an amazing Maya Angelou quote coming up. 474 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,072 -Just say it! -Argh! 475 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,325 Does anyone here object to this wedding? 476 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,535 -I do. -[Tina gasps] 477 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:40,620 Oh, my! 478 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,039 -I can't marry either of you. -Damn it! 479 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,626 I thought I wanted to get married to have someone whose feet I can 480 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,753 rub balls all over and vice versa. 481 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,672 At least it seemed like a thing I should want. 482 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,383 But now I'm looking up at my sister, Linda, 483 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,303 up there on the roof, banging on the skylight. 484 00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,056 And she's wearing a tampon necklace I made, 485 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,560 and I was just thinking about how happy I was when I made those necklaces. 486 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:08,147 Just me sitting there in my apartment by myself, 487 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,442 pulling apart tampons to make this beautiful thing, 488 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,986 this accessory that goes with any occasion. 489 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,447 And I realized my sister's right. 490 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,991 I don't need to settle for either of these guys. 491 00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,368 No offense, you're both great. 492 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,452 I mean, you're fine. 493 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,789 Maybe if I could mush you together in some sort of a machine. 494 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,208 Maybe make those elbows even a little bigger. 495 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:31,128 Anyway, my sister is also wrong. Which are my five favorite words. 496 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:34,590 Because I don't need to wait for someone who deserves me. 497 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,425 I don't need to wait for anyone 498 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,679 because the right person already showed up. 499 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:40,846 And it's me! 500 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:44,183 And so I'm marrying myself. 501 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,685 -[Tina gasps] -Oh, my! 502 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,603 Linda, come in, come in! 503 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,856 Oh, okay, I'm coming down, I'm coming down! 504 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,149 She's unbaanned. 505 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,693 I unbaann her. 506 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,986 She's saying, "unbanned", right? 507 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:58,781 Yeah, obviously. Have you never been "baanned?" 508 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,659 Do you take this, Gayle in holy matrimony, 509 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:05,496 to be your lawfully married to... yourself person? 510 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,580 I do. 511 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:11,419 And Gayle, do you take this Gayle to be your lawfully wedded Gayle? 512 00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,587 I do. 513 00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:16,590 I now pronounce you Gayle and Gayle. 514 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,175 You may kiss yourself. 515 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,927 -[Gayle moaning] -[crowd clapping] 516 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,429 Aw! 517 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,722 -Aw. -Okay. 518 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,515 Every pot has a lid. 519 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,017 -Jersey Mike's? -Oh, sure. 520 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,021 Well, that was beautiful. 521 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,106 Wasn't it beautiful? 522 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,525 Gayle's speech was actually kind of inspiring. 523 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:37,486 Are you going to get divorced and be alone with yourself? Dibs on Mom! 524 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,031 No, I'm just saying feeling complete just as you are, 525 00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:46,287 going against what society pressures you to be with marriage and feet stuff, 526 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,998 I think she inspired me to accept my gross toenail. 527 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,333 Dad, that is not what you should have taken from this. 528 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,793 Yeah, you need to go to a doctor. 529 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,253 That thing is a monster. 530 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,380 No, it's part of me and I accept it. 531 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:57,506 Let's cut it off! 532 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,883 -[all] Yeah! -[Bob] No! 533 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,843 -[Bob] Okay, fine. -[all] Yay! 534 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,845 ♪ You're a wonderful Gayle ♪ 535 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,682 ♪ So delightful, you're simply gorgeous ♪ 536 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,100 ♪ Head-to-toe ♪ 537 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,686 ♪ You've got a raging libido ♪ 538 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,105 ♪ You're sexy and swell ♪ 539 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,607 ♪ You're my kind of Gayle ♪ 540 00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:17,026 ♪ Undeniable ♪ 541 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:20,196 ♪ Her fanny pack makes the boys all swoon ♪ 542 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,823 ♪ Pretty soon it's, "Hey, get a room!" ♪ 543 00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:26,118 ♪ Tear tampons apart You're a master of art ♪ 544 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,787 ♪ You're a wonderful, magical ♪ 545 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:31,665 ♪ Sexiful, Gayleful Gayle ♪ 546 00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,876 [Gayle] Whew! God, I love me!